Is Masturbation in Relationships Cheating? A Sexpert's Take

How Masturbation Affects Your Relationship

Humans like to touch their private parts. So much so that we have entire months dedicated to the celebration of masturbation (yay, Masturbation May!). Masturbation has spanned the entirety of our existence, yet the ethics, ideologies, and social attitudes toward it have continuously evolved throughout different eras and societies. But in today's world, a common question arises: is masturbation within a relationship considered cheating?

The short answer: It depends on who you ask.

The long answer:

As a woman raised in a society that taught me little to nothing about masturbation (except that it was something mostly men did), I was confused. Before I started studying sexuality, I rarely engaged in masturbation myself. It felt more like a sexy idea than an enjoyable reality. And since no one really talked about it, I didn’t know how to feel about it.

When it came to my relationship, I wanted to be supportive of my partner’s own masturbation practice. But it often left me wondering: am I not enough for them sexually? This led to even more confusion, feelings of uncertainty, and a touch of shame. All of which sucked.

My Journey with Masturbation

Things began to shift when I changed careers and started studying sexuality. My entire worldview on masturbation opened up. I got a front-row seat to the good and the bad, explored tons of research, and had hours of in-depth conversations about the topic. And let me tell you something—it has changed my life for the better.

Yes, I know it might sound ridiculous to say learning about masturbation changed my life, but it really has! What I learned is that masturbation, when practiced with intention and moderation, has a long list of health benefits—both physical and psychological.

The Benefits of Masturbation

Masturbation is more than just a way to feel pleasure. It can help you relax your body, reduce stress, sleep better, connect with yourself, boost your self-confidence, and even allow you to manifest and set intentions for your life. For me, it’s become a tool for self-love and self-care. Depending on how you use it, masturbation can be a very positive source of energy in your life.

Research shows that masturbation can relieve stress by releasing endorphins and dopamine, which are neurotransmitters that make you feel good. It can also improve your mood, promote better sleep, and help alleviate sexual tension . And when approached with self-awareness, it can even become a practice that enhances intimacy with your partner rather than detracting from it.

Is It Cheating?

Despite all these benefits, I understand how someone might feel that their partner's masturbation is a form of cheating. I used to feel threatened by my partner’s solo practice because I didn’t understand it, nor did I feel I had access to learn more about it.

Here’s my official answer: Giving love and pleasure to your own body is not infidelity. Masturbation is a healthy and natural way to connect with yourself. However, every relationship is unique, and it's important to acknowledge that each person has the right to their own feelings and boundaries around it. Especially when it comes to the usage of porn during the act.

The key is open and honest communication. If masturbation is causing tension or hurt feelings within your relationship, it’s time to talk about it. Don’t make decisions out of anger, frustration, shame, or judgment. Instead, approach the conversation with curiosity and a willingness to listen.

Understanding the role that masturbation plays in your relationship can transform it from a potential source of conflict into an opportunity for greater intimacy and self-discovery.

Practical Tips for Discussing Masturbation in Your Relationship

1. Set aside time for an open conversation: Make sure both of you feel comfortable and are ready to discuss the topic without distractions.

2. Be honest about your feelings: Share your concerns, questions, and experiences. Avoid blaming or shaming each other.

3. Discuss boundaries: If either of you feels uncomfortable with your partner's solo practice, talk about ways you can both feel secure. Maybe it's setting specific times for solo play or including it as part of your shared sex life.

4. Be open to learning: If you’ve never really thought about masturbation beyond "is it cheating?" consider educating yourselves together. There's a wealth of information available to help you both better understand the benefits and limitations of masturbation.

5. Talk about porn: For some, the use of porn in solo sexual practice can feel like a betrayal. If your partner feels this way then it is important to hear them out and find an agreement that works for the both of you. Are there certain types of content that feel more or less acceptable? Is it something either of you want to avoid or explore together? Discussing these nuances can help align your values and bring clarity to what feels respectful in your relationship.